dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
