If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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