think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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