Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
