Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this just has baby written all over it
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
