My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize