she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
