I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
