No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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