Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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