why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
