I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have post one night stand depression
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
