i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
