Dual....:-)
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
