Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
