what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So squirting runs in the family.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
