mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
