The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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