He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
