I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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