I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
