Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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