i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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