even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
