i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
