My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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