I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
