If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
