Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
