Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
