i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Holy shit dude........stairs
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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