I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
