Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
