yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
