i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
