Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
