what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
