You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
