woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
