It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
