I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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