I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
