she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
