What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
