I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
