Someone shit on the floor
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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