you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
