im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
