College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
