I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
